Lots of emotions!

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel completely peaceful, happy, content, but yet at the same time nervous, excited, jittery??? Well, I've been having a bunch of those days recently...so many things going on in life, so many EXCITING things to come...but I must admit that tonight I just turned the mind off and just enjoyed BEING and it was wonderful! I'm not sure what finally allowed me to relax and just BE....Maybe it was the wonderful phone conversation I had last night with a dear friend and sharing things that have been on my mind for a long time that I have failed to write about/discuss...maybe it was spending time with my Mom and brother on the week-end watching them with Matthew having the time of their lives....maybe it was the ME time I had on Saturday to do some shopping...maybe it was the friend time I had on Sunday with an old friend and her son...maybe it was the email we got yesterday from our adoption agency telling us our Article 5 would be picked up and today starts the official wait for our travel approval(TA), maybe it was the sweetness of my precious little Matthew and the way he lives his life...maybe it was realizing and really accepting that God always has a plan and He's always in charge. Yep, that is probably a lot of it.

So, what made tonight so special? Nothing out of the ordinary...the weather was lovely, we had dinner on the grill, we had speech/signing time as a family, we played baseball outside, and then Chris decided to do handstands for Matthew and before I knew it the 2 of them were doing them together in the backyard. You always see people write LOL these days, but I was truly laughing out loud at my husband and my son just LIVING and enjoying every second together. I wonder if Chris's body will be laughing tomorrow morning when he gets up :) Matthew's smile and laugh can just transform a lousy day to one of the best ever. He is truly one of a kind. He may not be able to talk, but his body language often talks for him.

And you know what? I wasn't in a good place when I left Matthew's appointments on Friday. I had gone into them so excited and strong, and feeling like I was doing everything possible to fight for what Matthew needs and deserve to help him learn, communicate, and be successful. However, they weren't too positive with their thoughts and everyone still blames Matthew's brain disease on why he can't talk. The problem with his crazy MRI and brain stuff??? NO ONE can seem to find out what it is or what it is going to mean for him in his life. There is a reason Chris and I said no more MRI's unless he shows some sort of regression in physical being or his sight, etc. His files have been sent to the best in the country and no one can figure him out. So, instead of worrying about having a label for Matthew, how about just helping him and adjusting his education around Matthew and what works for him. He's a cause and effect kind of kid, and LOVES LOVES LOVES his special iPad he was given from a dear friend and his learning has grown so much recently. We are working on words, colors, numbers, and trying to work on letters. Matthew's daycare teacher Miss Amy has been instrumental in assisting Matthew learn at his daycare preschool as well as his deaf and hard of hearing preschool. She makes laminated word cards for him and gets all of the signs needed for each week's lesson so he can hold the pictures and be a part of what is going on around him instead of just be given a book to read while all of the kids are learning. We are beyond blessed with Matthew's daycare teachers - Miss Amy and Miss Sheila have gone out of their way to help Matthew and us. It's a gift. But, of course it's not enough for him according to the CI team. Well, then someone needs to help us get MORE! The only reason he gets what he does is because he fight fight fight for him! We are hoping and and praying that they follow through like they said they are, assist in finding a special education teacher to help out, and interpreting Matthew's learning type so that we can use assistive communication devices in case he is not able to ever speak. We will NEVER give up on him and his speech, and we KNOW that he is hearing us and understanding us which is a miracle in itself!!! So, all the naysayers out there - stay away from us because we believe in our Matthew and we know he's an amazing little boy! Of course I feel stronger now than I did Friday, and yes, I did let the tears fall - but now I'm back in fight mode and I won't ever give up!!!

His signing has really taken off and we love how he signs along with the television and things he sees outside. He is REALLY into birds and loves to chase them down the street. Communicating is hard for him without a doubt, but he continues to work so hard and we know how hard he is trying. We are trying our best to prepare him for being a big brother and bringing Hope home...we think he's starting to understand.

Which leads me to the next exciting part of life...........we WILL be in China before too long!!! It's so surreal, and we can hardly believe that we will have a new daughter this summer and Matthew will have his little sister. They say TA takes 2-4 weeks and then we should travel 2-3 weeks later...so that puts us at leaving in 4-6 weeks for China. Isn't that crazy??? Good thing I started some shopping this week-end and I really need to work on our packing lists :) All of our paperwork is done, our VISA applications and passports have been sent to our agency, and we are ready in that sense!!! Just need that TA then we are buying plane tickets and are on our way!

Of course we are nervous about how things are going to go, but we are beyond thrilled to be adding a precious daughter to our lives. We have dreamt about her for a long time, and the time is coming sooner than later. Of course I have all of the nervous Mom emotions too - how can I be a good enough Mom to 2 children, etc? Normal emotions I think!

I have so much more to write about Hope, but I will leave that for another post. We are hoping for one more update before we leave for China and we are praying we hear something soon. For now, I am feeling very content and peaceful about all that is happening around me. Maybe it will only last for the night...but I am going to enjoy watching Matthew fall asleep, soak up his wonderful baby lotion smells as he's snuggled up to me, and thinking about my baby girl who's starting another day in China right at this moment! I love being a Mommy and I can't wait to become a Mommy all over again!